


Ways to avoid drowning

by ky_stories



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:08:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29464785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ky_stories/pseuds/ky_stories
Summary: Jihoon has been avoding Junkyu for months and for the life of him, Junkyu just can't figure out what has gotten into him.Pining, fluff, eventual smut (probably). This story starts in May 2020.
Relationships: JiKyu - Relationship, Kim Junkyu/Park Jihoon, Park Jihoon/Kim Junkyu
Comments: 15
Kudos: 69





	1. Lesson 1 - Don't fall in

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first TREASURE story - I hope you like it!
> 
> Please leave your feedback in the comments, anything is welcome! ❤︎

_Disclaimer: This story is entirely faction. I don't own any of the characters in this story._

_Chapter 1 is very short, the next chapters will be longer. Enjoy!_

* * *

_June 2020_

The sun was shining just a bit too brightly, and the sunlight reflecting on the surface of the pool kept blinding Junkyu as he tried to shake Jihoon’s grip off his arms. Jihoon had been trying for the past couple of minutes to convince him to get into the pool, obviously not satisfied with his half-hearted excuses as to why he didn’t feel like cooling down in the water and preferred staying out and lazing around on the sun lounger instead. So he had ended up dragging him from the lounger and tried to push him into the water instead, and by now had gotten concerningly close to succeeding at it.

“But I really don’t want to take a dip!” Junkyu knew that he sounded increasingly desperate as he tried to bring more distance between himself and the intimidating water.

Jihoon laughed, enjoying Junkyu’s distress and probably interpreting it as nothing more than some form of laziness or grumpiness. He really couldn’t know better, honestly. “Come on, you’re the only one who has been avoiding the water like a cat since we arrived!” He succeeded in dragging him a few feet closer to the edge of the pool. “The water’s just nice, I promise!”

Junkyu felt a sudden panic grip his heart when he almost slipped on the wet surface of the stone surroundings of the pool. His grip around Jihoon’s forearms hardened and he squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head firmly. “No, I really don’t want to-”

“As I see it, you really don’t have much of a choice.” Junkyu heard the mischief in Jihoon’s voice and felt him pull him closer to him.

He yelped and tried to push Jihoon away from him. “Whatever you’re planning to do, don’t!”

“But you-”

“I can’t swim, okay?!” He almost screamed the words at him in his panic, and finally he felt Jihoon’s hands relax around his neck and on his arm. Just as Junkyu tried to take a deep breath he felt a hiccup tighten his throat and suddenly Jihoon started laughing, softly at first, then loudly.

His hiccup still continuing to painfully disrupt his breathing Junkyu opened his eyes to glare at Jihoon who was looking back unconvinced, still laughing. “You almost had me convinced.”

Junkyu knit his eyebrows in frustration. “I’m not—joking.” He crossed his arms before his chest and stared at Jihoon defiantly.

“Oh come on, everyone can swim, at least a little!” Jihoon looked at him doubtfully, but seemed somewhat less sure of himself.

“Not everyone grows up in—Busan with direct access to—beaches all around.” Junkyu pouted. “It’s not like you need to swim when you—live in Seoul anyways.”

Jihoon started giggling again and Junkyu rolled his eyes exasperatedly. What was so funny about him not knowing how to swim? He had been scared out of his wits and this was the reaction he got? “This isn’t funny!”

Trying hard to suppress his laughter, Jihoon reached a hand out to touch his arm. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be mean, it’s just…” A chortle escaped him again but before Junkyu could pull away he pulled him in for a hug. “I’m sorry Junkyu-yah, I’m really sorry! I didn’t want to scare you, I swear. It just never occurred to me that you wouldn’t know how to swim.” 

“You’re still laughing though, you know. In case you didn’t notice…”

Jihoon refused to let him push him away. “I know, I’m sorry! It’s just so cute.”

Junkyu huffed, but finally resigned to Jihoon’s hug. His hiccup had finally subsided and the panic he had felt just a moment ago had left him too exhausted to fight against Jihoon’s arms around him. He took a deep breath and sighed it out.

Jihoon gently stroked his head and then pulled away just far enough to look at him. The amusement had finally left his face in exchange for a more serious expression. “I can teach you.”

Junkyu blinked at him. “Teach me what?”

Jihoon tapped his forehead and shook his head at him. “Teach you how to swim, what else?”

Junkyu’s eyes widened at that and he quickly shook his head. “Ay, no, it’s okay, you don’t have to-”

“No really, I want to.”

“Nah, let’s just forget about it.”

Jihoon furrowed his brows. “Forget about it? But-”

“It’s not a big deal, really. I don’t even like water that much, you know.” At this point he was really just making excuses to get out of this awkward conversation.

“Really though, I think you should learn how to-”

“No, it’s too embarrassing, just drop it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you need to learn how to swim.”

Junkyu crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively. “I’ve gotten through life just fine without knowing. I’m good, really-”

“But what if you fall off a boat or something, you wouldn’t be able to… you would… I won’t just let you drown, okay? I’m not having it, forget it!”

Junkyu raised his brows at the suddenly upset tone in Jihoon’s voice. He blinked at him, confused at the determination in his eyes. “You can always jump after me and save me.” He had meant to say it as a joke, but the way Jihoon looked at him with that upset curve to his lower lip suddenly did weird things to his stomach, so it came out in an oddly shaky voice and he hoped Jihoon hadn’t noticed.

“Of course I would, idiot. But what if I’m not there to save you?” He looked even more upset now. “Come on, at least let me show you the basics.”

So Junkyu learned the basics of how to avoid drowning. Which was ironic, because Jihoon really had no idea how not to drown, in a figure of speech. On this day in June though, this irony was still lost on Junkyu.


	2. Lesson 2 - Get the breathing right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction. Some details in this fiction differ from reality. Also there are curse words. You've been warned!

_May 2020_

It had been about four years now since they had first met.

Junkyu still remembered the moment when Jihoon had walked into the practice room for the very first time, accompanied by one of their staff noonas who introduced him as a new trainee. Apparently he had trained in an academy in Busan until he had passed the audition. He had this calm air of confidence around him that naturally drew Junkyu’s attention to him.

They had been taking a break from dance practice so Junkyu was perched on the floor, back resting against the wall, next to Yedam and Hyunsuk. Hyunsuk looked up and waved a smiley welcome at the newcomer, then looked back at his phone and continued to type away on it busily. Yedam, forever the nice kid got up to greet the new trainee and get to know him, while Junkyu remained seated and just continued to look their way with mild interest. He hadn’t been the type to kick start a conversation with someone he had never met before - not that he had changed much in that aspect. Making new friends was something that just didn’t come easy to him.

But making friends with Jihoon had been easy. Maybe it was because of his good natured personality, or his positive attitude. Or maybe it was his talent of making a whole room of people laugh, seemingly without any effort at all. Junkyu liked to laugh. 

Jihoon also wasn’t shy at all, which sometimes meant that he knew no boundaries. Or rather, as Junkyu understood much later, he knew when it was best to ignore boundaries. So whenever Junkyu was hiding in his room lamenting about his recent setbacks - and he had experienced many in his trainee days - it was usually Jihoon who invited himself unbidden into his room to cheer him up. He always seemed to know exactly what would make his gloomy mood lift. After it had happened a couple of times, Junkyu noticed that Jihoon always did exactly those things that he knew would cheer Junkyu up, instead of just trying out things that would work for Jihoon himself when he was in a bad mood. Somehow he managed to put himself aside completely and simply focus on how Junkyu felt.

That was when he started to get attached to Jihoon. He was naturally a clingy person, but usually lived his love for skinship out with the younger trainees. It was just more fun that way because they really couldn’t do much about it. There was an almost gleeful joy in watching them struggle to shake him off when it got too much, without being disrespectful to their hyung.

Jihoon on the other hand never seemed to be bothered by his clinginess. Sure, he didn’t really initiate any kind of skinship with him, but he never pushed him away either. On the contrary, he usually pulled him in a bit closer. After a while he developed a habit of playing with the shorter hair in the back of Junkyu’s neck, and Junkyu might have gotten a bit addicted to that gesture over time.

A few months ago though, things had changed somehow. Junkyu wasn’t sure if it was because they had moved to a new dorm where they all now had their own individual rooms, though he couldn’t figure out why that should make a difference to their usual habits. Or maybe it was because the month of their debut had finally been decided and while they mainly felt excited about it, there was also the additional pressure that came with a clear deadline to determine the end of their trainee days. 

But despite these changed circumstances, Junkyu couldn’t help but wonder if there wasn’t more to it. Maybe it was something he had said or done, that had created this weird distance between them. Maybe he had upset him somehow, without realizing it. But no matter how much he pondered over it, he just couldn’t figure it out. The only thing he was sure of was that Jihoon had been avoiding him for a couple of months now. He didn’t think the other members had noticed it much, because when they were all together, Jihoon didn’t act much different around him compared to before. But somehow, he hadn’t been alone with him in a room for months. And that was odd. Jihoon loved to barge into his room if only to ask him what he was doing and if he wanted to grab some food for lunch, or dinner, or whatever time of day it happened to be. 

But try as he might, he simply couldn’t think of a reason for this change in behavior. He wished he were the kind of person who could just confront a friend when they acted strange, and ask what was the matter or if he had done anything to upset them. But he just couldn’t bring himself to talk to Jihoon about it. 

Maybe he was overthinking things. Maybe Jihoon was just preoccupied with other things these days. He had started doing pilates shortly before they had moved dormitories, that could be one reason… though it really should only be a reason for why they never ate breakfast together anymore. It didn’t explain much else.

Junkyu startled when he felt a finger poke at his nose and shot a look at the attacker. 

“What are you daydreaming about, hyung?” Jaehyuk smiled at him curiously.

Junkyu swatted his hand away. “Nothing, just thinking about the recording later.” 

“Your lines are pretty difficult.” Jaehyuk nodded thoughtfully. “But I know you’ll do great, you always do.”

Junkyu smiled and bumped his shoulder playfully against Jaehyuk’s who had hunched down next to him, hoping he didn’t read too much into his brooding mood. The younger seemed satisfied though and got up again to head over to Jihoon and go through one of the more difficult parts of their new choreography. Junkyu watched them for a while, arms crossed and back leaning against Hyunsuk’s knees who was sitting down on the bench behind him and going through his rap lines a hundredth time. He felt a smile lit up his face as he watched Jihoon and Jaehyuk fool around and laugh at each others’ antics. Jihoon looked over and their eyes met for a moment. Jihoon returned his grin and winked, then quickly went back to practicing the dance steps with Jaehyuk again.

Yes, when they were all together Jihoon really didn’t act any different. But about half an hour later when he and Junkyu were called to the recording room to record their lines of their debut song, Junkyu was sure he saw relief ghost through Jihoon’s eyes when Hyunsuk caught up with them in the corridor to accompany them to the recording studio. Their parts were among the last to be recorded, and their leader was too excited to stay away from the recording studio for too long. The room wasn’t big enough for all of them, so they were called in for recording in groups of two or three at a time.

Junkyu’s excitement finally steered his attention away from the weird atmosphere between Jihoon and him, and an almost carefree anticipation made him jump down the corridor on their way to the studio, which earned him an amused laugh from Hyunsuk. “How do you switch from brooding to excited in two seconds? Tell me your secret!”

Junkyu laughed and looked back at him. “How not to be excited when this is what we’ve been training for, day and night, for years? Or at least part of what we’ve been training for, anyway!” 

The recording went by quickly, almost shockingly so. Junkyu couldn’t quite believe it when the producer told him he was done after his fifth take already. Baffled he left the recording booth and was met with a similarly baffled looking Jihoon, who was staring at him as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes. Junkyu snorted at his dazed look, took a seat next to him on the sofa and pinched him somewhere below his ribs, which elicited a protesting yelp from Jihoon who swatted his hand away. Their bickering ended right there though as it was Jihoon’s turn next. Junkyu could have left since his part was done, but he decided to stay and watch Jihoon’s recording. Jihoon’s part was similar in length to his. He thought Jihoon did amazing. They had practiced together - not just the two of them, but usually with Yedam or Jeongwoo - sometimes drifting off into harmonizing versions of each others' lines. It was a pity that they didn’t do any harmonies together, Junkyu thought. He liked how their voices harmonized with each other.

He wasn’t sure of the reason because Junkyu couldn’t detect anything wrong with his singing, but the producer made Jihoon retake his main part over fifteen times. Jihoon didn’t show a single sign of frustration though. It was one of the things Junkyu admired about him, nothing ever seemed to unsettle him. Even when he experienced a setback, he was back on track in no time at all, even more determined than before. Junkyu could only be amazed at his energy. It was the kind of contagious energy that grounded Junkyu when he was feeling down, and wound him up even more when he was already excited. He realized that he missed Jihoon’s energy around him a lot.

“Okay, I think we’re done here!” Junkyu looked up at Jihoon who had come out of the booth and was looking down at him.

“Right. Want to grab some food at the store?”

“How about we order delivery? The others are probably hungry as well.”

Junkyu smiled and nodded, trying to hide his disappointment. Of course. After all grabbing food from the store would mean it would just be the two of them. He stood up and after greeting the producer who waved them off with a smile and a “good job, boys” they left the studio to Hyunsuk who was now recording his lines of the song and would shortly be joined by Haruto and Yoshi. 

They talked about the excitement of finally recording again, and about what delivery they wanted to order, jumping from one topic to another in the same breath. Their conversation flowed as naturally as usual, but he couldn’t help but notice how Jihoon left just a bit more space between them than he used to as they walked back to their practice room where the others were making use of their time to rehearse their choreography or go over their parts in their debut song once more, since the recording was still to be finalized and they could be called back in any time.

They ended up ordering Chinese food, chicken and Jajangmyeon, deciding they had been doing well enough on their various degrees of diets and that it was about time for a cheat meal. Nobody complained, not even the staff.

It got a bit later than usual until they finally wrapped up their day at the company and returned to their dormitory. Most of them went to bed pretty much right after they got home, but those who didn’t feel tired enough to sleep yet - Junkyu among them - lingered around in their living room, until Hyunsuk of all people suggested they watch a horror movie. 

Junkyu didn’t care too much for horror movies. He didn’t mind watching them, but he mostly found them quite boring. He had developed a liking for them over the last year or so though, because the reactions of the other members were highly entertaining. It had been his idea that they film them watching a horror movie for Treasure Map, he couldn’t let the opportunity slide to entertain their fans while they were still pretty free in what contents they wanted to provide for the first few episodes of the show. 

So Hyunsuk, Jaehyuk, Jeongwoo, Jihoon and he ended up cramped together on and in front of the sofa for almost two hours, and he kept himself entertained and awake by scaring the other four whenever it got too quiet throughout the movie. 

When the movie was finished, Hyunsuk shuffled back to his room hugging his pillow tightly to his chest and mumbling something about how he would "never watch a horror movie with that Kim Junkyu" again, which Junkyu knew was nothing but empty threats because he said so every single time, and yet he always asked him to join them again for the next horror movie session. Jeongwoo and Jaehyuk were off to Jaehyuk’s room and Jihoon tried to join them, with little success it seemed because Jeongwoo kept complaining that Jihoon always insisted on analysing the movie afterwards and he would only end up having nightmares because of that. 

Junkyu watched them bicker for a while, pretty sure that Jihoon wouldn’t make it into Jaehyuk’s room tonight.

“You can crash in my bed if they don’t want you,” offered Junkyu casually, trying not to sound too hopeful. “I don’t mind.”

Jihoon shot him a pensive look, quite obviously hesitating. “I don’t know. You’re just going to scare the hell out of me in the middle of the night.”

Junkyu gasped and clasped a hand over his heart, feigning hurt. “Don’t you trust me?”

Jihoon grinned. “Not too much, actually.”

Junkyu shrugged and pushed the door to his room open temptingly. “Your choice. You can either sleep alone in your room and be too scared to even close your eyes for a second, or be safe and protected in mine. I’m pretty popular with monsters, they won’t lay a hand on you with me in the room.” He furrowed his brow. “… or claw. Or paw. Or whatever.”

Jihoon stared at him for a moment. “Thanks for that image.” He shot another testing look at Jeongwoo who quickly shut the door to Jaehyuk’s room into his face, and snorted. “Ungrateful brats.” He seemed to brace himself and then turned back to Junkyu and finally walked over to him. “You got me at ‘safe’ to be honest.” There was an odd look on his face, as if he had just cracked a joke only he himself would be able to understand, but Junkyu decided to ignore that detail and instead held the door open for him wordlessly, and then followed him into his room. He felt just a tiny bit ridiculous about the triumph he was feeling, as if Jihoon avoiding to be alone in a room with him had been a months long game and Junkyu had finally won, which really wasn’t the case. But it was a statement for how dejected he had felt at Jihoon’s constant rejections that he even invited him to share a bed with him. No matter how clingy he was, Junkyu preferred to sleep alone. He didn’t like someone wriggling around next to him and disturbing his sleep. He tried not to think too much about how desperate he must be to ignore that fact just to have Jihoon in the same room with him again, alone. Like it used to be. “Alright, turning off the lights. Try not to scream.” Jihoon scoffed as he got under the covers. “Try not to trip and fall on your face on your way here.”

Junkyu stuck his tongue out at him before he turned off the light and retorted. “I’ll be graceful as an owl.”

Jihoon laughed at that. “Owls are graceful?”

“There are graceful owls, okay?” Junkyu pouted as he made his way securely across the room and slipped under the covers of his bed, next to Jihoon who was still giggling. “Yeah, more graceful than you I guess. Ow!” Junkyu had flicked him against the forehead that Jihoon was now rubbing with his hand, probably with an accusing look in his eyes that he couldn’t quite make out in the darkness of the room. “Don’t be mean to your host, or you won’t get any sleep tonight.”

“I probably won’t get much sleep anyways,” murmured Jihoon and then suddenly stopped talking, as if he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“Come on, the movie wasn’t that scary.”

Jihoon huffed. “You only say that because you find nothing scary.”

“That’s not true. Most horror movies are just way too unrealistic, that’s all. And it’s too obvious when the next scary scene is about to happen.” He scooted a bit closer to Jihoon to reduce the risk of falling off the edge of his bed sometime in the course of the night. “I don’t get why you guys scream at every single jump scare of the movie.”

“That’s the whole point though, it’s part of the fun.” Jihoon wrapped an arm around him and pulled him a bit closer when Junkyu didn’t stop wiggling around in his bed, so his forehead was now nestled against Junkyu’s left temple and Junkyu’s head was resting on his arm. He wondered if it wasn’t uncomfortable, but Jihoon was the one who had put his arm there in the first place, so it seemed as though he didn’t mind. Junkyu relaxed against him. At least he wouldn’t fall off his bed.

“What are you scared of, if not of axe murderers and the undead?” 

Junkyu smiled. If Jihoon needed a distraction to put his mind at ease after the horror movie, he wouldn’t mind talking for a while until they eventually fell asleep. “I don’t know. More relevant stuff.”

“So you’re saying axe murderers are irrelevant.”

“I haven’t met any yet, so they’re not too relevant to me, nope.”

“Maybe you have come across one but you just didn’t know it then.”

Junkyu rolled his eyes - not that Jihoon would be able to see in the darkness, but he probably heard it in the tone of his voice as he replied. “If you’re trying to scare me, I can save you some time because it’s not going to work.”

Jihoon chuckled, sending a gust of air over the skin close to his chin. “Okay, I give up. What’s more relevant stuff than axe murderers?”

Junkyu contemplated that for a moment. “I guess… people?”

He was met with a moment of silence. “What’s scary about people?” Jihoon’s voice was without judgement, but full of wonder. He didn’t think that Jihoon was the kind of person who would be scared of people the way Junkyu was.

“People’s judgement is scary.” 

“Oh.” It felt as if Jihoon was softening next to him. Maybe he had been uncomfortable after all? “That’s deep. But I think I know what you mean.”

Without thinking much, Junkyu reached for Jihoon’s left arm, the one that was not resting under his head, and started playing with his hand, drawing meaningless patterns with his finger into his palm. “Yeah?”

Jihoon hummed softly. “It makes sense. I guess once we debut, we’ll be subject to all kinds of judgement from a whole lot of people.”

Junkyu stopped drawing patterns and instead interlaced his fingers loosely with Jihoon’s. “Yeah, that’s what scares me.” Before he could stop himself his thoughts wandered back to his time on Mix Nine, one of his bigger setbacks. Reading some of the not too nice comments online about himself, from people he had never met or interacted with in any form, people he didn’t even know what they looked like, what kind of life they led, had been terrifying. He shivered slightly at the memory, and felt Jihoon squeeze his hand softly in response. 

“You’re worrying about something that still hasn’t happened. And you don’t know if it will happen at all.” He recognized the softly scolding undertone in Jihoon’s voice and couldn’t help but smile. “Everyone is going to love you. You’re adorable.”

Junkyu snorted. “Adorable, my ass.” Sure, he tried his best on camera, but mostly that were just exaggerated versions of himself, and not so much a reflection of reality. He was pretty sure Jihoon knew the difference very well.

Jihoon took a breath as though he was about to argue, but then hesitated. “How do you think the public will judge you when we debut?” he asked after a moment of silence.

Junkyu had thought about that more than he cared to admit. He had thought out a scenario for the best possible outcome, and a whole set of scenarios for worst possible outcomes. He seemed to be more creative the longer he thought about the second version. It didn’t feel right to lay all those scenarios out to Jihoon though. “I’m not sure.” He sighed. “The thing is, no matter what I do or how I behave, people only see what they want to see.”

He noticed that he was still holding hands with Jihoon when he felt another soft squeeze, before Jihoon replied. “That’s true. But what do you think it is they want to see?” He shook his head. “No, let me put it this way: Where do you think the image of what they want to see comes from?”

Junkyu considered that question for a few seconds, brows furrowed in thought. “I don’t know… first impression?”

Jihoon nodded thoughtfully at his response, his soft hair tickling Junkyu’s temple with the slight movement of his head.

Suddenly he just had to ask. “Jihoon-ah, what was your first impression of me?”

His question was met with silence for a few moments. The silence felt unnaturally long. “Hmm… let’s see-”

“See, you don’t even remember.” Junkyu rolled his eyes. “Just like I thought. Just admit it alr-”

Jihoon’s finger on his lips stopped him mid sentence. “Reserved, and gentle. Hey, it’s true!” He lifted his finger from his lips and poked it at his cheek to loosen the skeptical expression from his face. He must have known it was there, because it was impossible that he could make out his features in the complete darkness of his room. “You had that quiet smile on your lips and in your eyes that looked so… I don’t know. Soft? And well… just really gentle and warm, but shy and sort of distant at the same time.”

Junkyu didn’t know when he had suddenly stopped breathing, but now that Jihoon had stopped talking, apparently to collect his thoughts, he didn’t dare make a sound so he would continue. Thankfully he did. “As if you really wanted to come over and welcome me, make me feel at ease since I was the new guy and you had been there for a while already, but you were somehow worried I'd think that was weird.” He heard him take a deep breath and nestle a bit closer to him, and imagined him closing his eyes with a soft smile on his face. He still couldn’t will himself to breathe normally. “There you go, that’s my first impression of you.” His voice sounded sleepy but content. “Reserved, gentle, and so fucking beautiful.”

...fucking what?! Junkyu’s eyes that had been staring off into the darkness opened wider at the sudden skipped beat of his heart. Or had it taken two beats at once and that was why he felt so oddly off beat? He suddenly didn’t know if he had twitched at that shocking turn of events, but it seemed he hadn’t because Jihoon’s forehead was still resting against his left temple and judging from the even, deep breaths he felt faintly drift over the skin of his cheek, he had just fallen asleep. That bastard. Dropping that bomb on him and then leaving him hanging and taking the easy escape. Of course. Typical.

Junkyu blew the air he had held in out with a frustrated sigh and took a few deep, calming breaths. After he had repeated this for a few times, he closed his eyes and started to wonder if he had even heard Jihoon correctly. Had he really said what he thought he had said? Maybe he had meant something else. Or he had heard wrong. Or he just wanted to make fun of him, it surely wouldn’t be the first time. If only the ass hadn’t fallen asleep right after so he could ask him and be sure. But now… Junkyu knew there was no way he’d wake up in the morning and just ask him about it. ‘Hey Jihoon, so did you really mean it last night when you said you thought I was fucking beautiful the first time you saw me?’ Yeah, nope.

He gnawed on his lower lip and tried to make sense of it, but it just… didn’t make much sense at all.

Another sigh. Great, this would probably keep him up all night. Thanks a lot, Jihoon.


	3. Lesson 3 - Recognize and avoid strong currents

“Cut! Okay, that’s it for today. Good job, everyone!”

The camera team finally let him leave the room. As soon as he entered an empty practice room down the hall, the smile that had been edged into his features faded. It took an oddly long moment for his facial muscles to finally relax completely.

Junkyu heaved a long sigh and rubbed his face with the palms of his hands. Sometimes it was so exhausting to constantly smile and crack jokes. Their schedules had little - or rather, no - flexibility and it didn’t matter if he was tired and in a shit mood, when the cameras were running he would smile and laugh all the same. Thinking of their fans who would watch the videos later made it easier, but he still hadn’t quite gotten used to this part of his profession. After all, they were really just getting started, though they had probably done more promotion than most groups did pre-debut. They had been supposed to have debuted quite a while ago though...

He hadn’t realized how deeply he had been lost in his thoughts until a hand was waving around before his eyes and snapped him back to the present moment. He jumped with a startled yelp which made the owner of the hand laugh and pat his head soothingly.

“Calm down! Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that,” said Hyunsuk with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

“‘Tis fine,” mumbled Junkyu, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly and slumping against the backrest of the couch again. “Sorry, I was kind of daydreaming I guess.”

“Looks like it.” Hyunsuk’s grin gave way to a look of concern as he flopped down next to him, bending closer to get a better look into his eyes. “You alright?”

“Yeah… just tired.” Junkyu looked down at his hands that were fumbling distractedly with the hem of his hoodie. He wasn’t sure he felt like talking, but was still glad for Hyunsuk’s presence. He felt his soothing hand on his head again.

“It was a long day.” There was a short break, then: “You don’t seem to usually get tired of filming though.” It sounded more like an observation than a question, but Junkyu felt the sudden urge to explain himself.

“I didn’t sleep too well last night. Couldn’t fall asleep. I’m sorry hyung, I’ll do better next time.” A thought crossed his mind and his brows furrowed with concern as he glanced up, letting go of his lower lip that he’d been chewing on. “Or do we have to do a retake?” They never did retakes unless one of them had a major blunder, but maybe he hadn’t been pulling off his good mood as well as he had hoped after all.

Hyunsuk’s eyes met his with a confused look. “Retake? Why would we…”

“Right. They’ll probably just cut most parts out anyway. Silly. Don’t know what I was thinking.” Before he could drop his head again, Hyunsuk had his hands on his cheeks and scooted a bit closer yet, searching intently for something in Junkyu’s questioning eyes. Had he said something weird?

“I don’t know what you’re so worried about, Junkyu-ya. You did great today. Half of the puns came from you. And most of them were the better ones, too.” He raised an eyebrow and cocked his head slightly to the side, and Junkyu couldn’t help the smile creeping on his face. How their oldest hyung could be this cute was still beyond him.

Hyunsuk returned the smile and ruffled his hair, turning it into a big tangled mess. “Ah, that’s better.” He tugged at his shoulders and pulled him into a loose, one armed hug, with Junkyu’s head resting against his shoulder and arms naturally coming around his waist.

Junkyu sighed and snuggled closer into the embrace, feeling his frustration slowly dissolve and make place for a simpler kind of exhaustion. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of gentle fingers combing through his hair.

“You really have no reason to worry, Gyugyu.”

Junkyu snorted quietly, amused at the rare use of his nickname. Hyunsuk was really the only one using it, every once in a blue moon.

“You’re doing great. The staff has only praise for you. Our producer is always amazed with your progress too. Yesterday you were basically the only one he didn’t send back into the recording booth for a fourth take. Don’t be so hard on yourself, okay?”

Junkyu let go of another long sigh, as he felt another layer of tension lift that he hadn’t even realized had been there. It had been holding onto him for some time now.

They sat quietly for a while, until Junkyu lifted his head just a bit to look at his hyung. “Hyung, I… thanks.” The corner of his mouth lifted into a lopsided smile. “I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that.”

Hyunsuk beamed at him as though he couldn’t help it and simply nodded, looking not a single bit embarrassed while Junkyu for one had a hard time keeping the embarrassed flush off his face. Then he remembered how they had ended up in this conversation. “Oh, right! Earlier when you came in, did you want something?”

“Nah. Just checking in on you, making sure you were doing alright, kiddo.”

Junkyu’s eyes softened and he let himself slump against the slender frame of his leader again, arms squeezing a bit closer around him. “Love you, hyung,” he mumbled against the fabric of his sweater, earning him a light chuckle.

“Love you too, bro.”

They stayed a few more hours at the training center to go through their choreography a few times more. Sometime in between their dance coach checked in on them to give them feedback. Junkyu was relieved when he didn’t find a lot to correct. That meant he had remembered the steps well enough to do them nearly perfectly half asleep.

After their review they took a break. Junkyu occupied the couch and lay down on his back, having used up the last bit of energy he had left over the last 2 hours of dance practice. He knew that he’d probably pass out if he closed his eyes, so instead he let his gaze wander around the room until it ended up resting on Jihoon, who was sitting on the opposite side of the room in conversation with Doyoung and Hyunsuk. Jihoon looked well rested, alright. He had slept like a stone next to him, unmoving through the whole night, all the while hugging him tight. Junkyu didn’t think he had ever shared his bed with someone who slept so deeply and quietly. He could probably have slept through as well, had he not been lying awake with confusing thoughts occupying his mind.

In the end, he had got just a handful of hours of sleep, two or three at most, and woke up before Jihoon did, which was rare because he was one of the infamous late sleepers of the group. Though he thought it had kind of been worth waking up first to witness Jihoon moving through states of confusion, then embarrassment, and finally an extremely rare occurrence of shyness when he woke up and realized that his face was planted against Junkyu’s cheek and that they had been holding hands for probably the whole night. He decided to remain quiet and just watch in amusement as Jihoon tried his best to get out of his bed without climbing over him and then dash out of his room after mumbling a good morning, probably straight on his way to the bathroom.

He found him later in the kitchen preparing breakfast, together with Jaehyuk who seemed to have recovered well enough after their horror movie night as well. Jaehyuk joked about Junkyu’s sleepy koala face and handed him a coffee, which Junkyu took appreciatively, hoping that caffeine would get him through their packed day.

It had worked well enough, even though by now he felt as if his soul had left his body. He wasn’t too surprised either that Jihoon had gone back to keeping a distance between them, and he was too tired to try and analyze his behavior today.

He must have nodded off after all, because the next thing he noticed was Yedam stroking his cheek gently with his fingertips to wake him. “Hyung, let’s go home. I’m tired, too.” Junkyu blinked a few times and grunted. “Are we done for today?”

Yedam yawned and nodded. “Pretty much. There’s nothing we would do today that we couldn’t just do tomorrow instead.” Yedam took his hand to pull him up from the couch and they waved their goodbyes at the others who decided to stay for another half an hour or so.

As there were no fans waiting around the building at this late hour, they decided to walk home instead of taking the car, since it was just the two of them and they didn’t want to bother the driver. With hoods pulled over their heads and face masks on it would be unlikely anyone recognized them on their way back.

“Everything alright, hyung?”

Junkyu shot a glance at Yedam who kept his eyes trained to the road in front of them. “Why the sudden question?”

Yedam shrugged, still not looking at him. “I don’t know, you seem kind of distracted lately during break times.”

Junkyu hummed and kicked a pebble out of his way. Of course, Yedam would have noticed. “I’m fine.”

Yedam nodded and looked his way. “You can always talk to me, hyung. You know that, right?”

Junkyu sighed but then a soft smile lit up his face and he nodded, his shoulders pulled up sheepishly. “Yeah, I know.” He hesitated. “Maybe… maybe when we get home, we could have a quick chat. Before the others get home, you know.”

Yedam returned his smile and nodded. “Let’s do that.”

So Junkyu found himself in Yedam’s room fifteen minutes later, an already emptied can of cider in his hands that they had grabbed on their way back at the convenience store. 

“So, what’s been on your mind, hyung?” Yedam was sitting crossed legged on his bed, facing Junkyu and giving him his full attention. Junkyu really wasn’t sure if he should curse himself for getting into this situation that he couldn’t back out of anymore, or if it was a genius move that would finally help him clear his thoughts that had gotten more tangled over the last few months. He avoided Yedam’s attentive eyes for a short while, eyes searching the wall behind him as he tried to find the right words to express his thoughts. Maybe he should start with a question instead to confirm that he wasn’t just being over sensitive about the whole situation. “Yedam-ah, have you noticed anything… odd, lately?”

Yedam searched his face carefully, as if trying to find a clue for what exactly Junkyu may be referring to. “Other than you being awfully quiet lately?” He smiled softly, clearly not expecting a reply from Junkyu. “Well…” His eyes narrowed slightly, again probing Junkyu’s expression. “I did notice that Jihoon hyung has been behaving a bit odd, too.” He cocked his head to the side. “Though if I’m being honest, you have been behaving more oddly than him.”

Junkyu’s jaw dropped, dumbfounded. “What?”

Yedam couldn’t help but laugh at his surprise. “You wear your heart on your sleeve, hyung. It’s just more obvious when something bothers you.”

Junkyu huffed in frustration. “Yeah, I know. I can’t hide my thoughts for the life of me. Stupid transparent face.”

Yedam reached out and gently squeezed his knee. “I really like that about you. We all do, actually.”

“Well it’s damn inconvenient, I’ll let you know.” He felt a bit of his frustration lift despite his moody retort. The others teased him often enough about being unable to hide his thoughts and emotions, but he knew it was their way of showing affection. “Anyway, so you noticed it too and I’m not just imagining things.”

Yedam was serious again when he nodded. “I’m not really sure why, but Jihoon hyung is kind of… distant these days.”

Junkyu nodded grimly. “Distant is probably the right word.” He played with the hem of his hoodie, hesitating if he should go on or just leave the next turn of the conversation to Yedam. Oh, whatever, why not just blurt out what bothered him now that he finally had a chance to do so. “He isn’t distant with everyone though.”

Yedam seemed to consider that for a moment, then nodded slowly. “He’s distant with you.” A soft smile flickered over his face. “He seems to kind of avoid me too, though.”

Junkyu looked up at that, brows furrowed thoughtfully. “He does? I hadn’t noticed.”

Yedam smiled again. “It’s just been that way recently. I don’t really think it’s for the same reason though.”

Junkyu widened his eyes at that. “Oh? What reason do you think he’s avoiding me for?”

Yedam lifted his shoulders, then released them and shook his head slightly. “I’m not sure, hyung. My guess is as good as yours at this point. Do you have any idea what the reason could be?”

Junkyu sighed and let himself sink back onto the bed, eyes looking at the white ceiling. “I wish I did. I’ve been thinking it over and over again for the past two or three months now. If I did anything to annoy him without realizing it, or if he’s just under a lot of pressure because of our upcoming debut… but that wouldn’t explain why he’s not behaving any different with the others.” He furrowed his brows again. “Though if you say he’s being distant with you as well, that adds a different perspective to it.” He mulled over Yedam’s comment that he didn’t seem to avoid the two of them for the same reason. “Why do you think he’s been avoiding you?”

Yedam stretched out flat on his stomach next to him, head resting sideways on his crossed arms and facing him thoughtfully. “I don’t know. Maybe he has a suspicion that I noticed something’s off, and he doesn’t want me to bug him about it.” He grinned. “Just like I am bugging you now, you know.”

Junkyu grinned. “He has a point then, you can be a pest.”

“Hey!” Yedam shoved him with his elbow, feigning hurt. 

Junkyu patted his head reassuringly. “You’re my favorite pest, though. Never stop pestering me.” A thought crossed his mind and he turned onto his side to face Yedam, suddenly excited. “Wait, you could pester Jihoon too. You know, ask him what’s on his mind, maybe you find out why he’s been avoiding me for months now.”

Yedam shoved him onto his back again. “As if I’d just run to you and spill all his secrets, even if he did tell me!”

“But… we’ve been friends for much longer!”

Yedam raised an eyebrow. “Not for that much longer.”

“Are two years worth nothing to you?” Junkyu pouted at him, upset that his plan didn’t work out the way he had hoped. Not that he had really thought it was realistic, but you never know unless you try.

“They’re worth something.” Yedam grinned. “But not that much, I’m afraid.” He rolled onto his back to join Junkyu in looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t really think it will be that easy to find out what’s on Jihoon’s mind anyway.”

Junkyu snorted. “Yeah, I know it’s very easy to find out what’s on my mind, thanks a lot.”

Yedam laughed. “Oh come on, you wanted to tell me.”

Junkyu closed his eyes and breathed through deeply, once, twice. Then he felt a smile spread over his face. “Yeah… yeah I guess I did. Thanks for listening, Damie. I was starting to wonder if I’m just imagining things and getting worked up over something that’s not even really happening.”

“Well then. I’m glad I could at least serve as your reality check, even though that’s about all I could do for you.”

Junkyu turned his head to the side to look at him with a smile. “It’s more than enough for now.” He sighed and forced himself back into a sitting position, stretching and suppressing a yawn. “I better get up and ready for bed or I’ll fall asleep right here.” 

Yedam nodded. “Good night, hyung. See you tomorrow.”

The next day, Junkyu got the feeling that it was Jihoon this time who hadn’t gotten enough sleep. He looked tired and seemed uncharacteristically unfocused during their practice sessions, and when they had their second meeting about their music video shoot he didn’t seem quite as excited as the rest of them. Their second dance practice must have finally brought him to the edge of exhaustion, and he sank onto the couch and shortly after fell asleep during their break.

They decided to wrap up their dance practice and went to separate rooms to practice singing, rap, keyboard, or work on compositions. Junkyu decided to stay back with Jihoon because he knew he would be in trouble if he was found asleep, but he didn’t have the heart to wake him up either. After playing on his phone for a while, he ended up perched on the floor, his arms folded on the couch next to Jihoon’s head, and chin resting on his forearm. Even asleep Jihoon looked so exhausted that it worried him a bit. He had this lingering feeling that he could do something to help ease his mind and relieve the pressure he was obviously under, if only he knew the reason behind it.

He had lost track of time when Jihoon stirred and mumbled something unintelligible before he opened his eyes and blinked a few times against the brightness of the room. His eyes wandered to Junkyu who smiled at him, still unmoving in his seated position with his face inches from Jihoon’s. Their eyes locked for what felt like a very long moment during which Jihoon just looked at him, an unreadable expression in his eyes. Then something suddenly shifted in his expression and he sat up abruptly, looking around the room as though he were searching for the others. “What are we doing here?” His voice sounded husky with sleep.

“You fell asleep, hyung.” Jihoon looked down at him with a strange glance, then looked away again quickly and rubbed his face with his hands. “Where did everyone go?”

“They’re busy doing stuff.” Junkyu got up to his feet and looked at Jihoon, half expecting that he would find an excuse to flee from the room, but for once he didn’t seem to be in a big hurry to move. He just looked at him with a mixture of curiosity and something else that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. “And you’re here because..?”

Junkyu shrugged. “I don’t know, it didn’t seem right to leave you alone here asleep.” That won him an amused but warm smile from Jihoon. 

“You could have woken me up, you know.”

Junkyu grinned. “I could have, but a sleeping Jihoon is better company than a grumpy just-woken-up Jihoon.”

Jihoon pouted. “I’m never grumpy!”

Junkyu gave him an indulging smile. “Of course, never.” He laughed when Jihoon huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Come on Park Jihoon, get up and help me with those dance steps at the end of the song!”

He didn’t really need Jihoon’s help with those steps. It was a convenient excuse to have Jihoon around him for a bit longer and prevent him from ending their twosomeness. He felt a strange relief at how naturally they spent the next thirty minutes together, going over dance moves again and again, Jihoon pointing out little details he could do better like the leader he was, and both laughing about their imitations of other members and each other. Jihoon seemed so carefree that Junkyu could almost forget the weird tension of the past months. When they both came down from another fit of laughter, Junkyu looked at him openly with a content smile. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, hyung.”

Jihoon lifted an eyebrow questioningly. “Feeling better, why?”

“You seemed so tired the whole day.” He reached out to touch Jihoon’s arm almost unconsciously. “I was a bit worried.”

Jihoon shoved his hand away playfully. “Come on, it wasn’t that bad. I just didn’t get a lot of sleep, that’s all.”

Junkyu grinned at him smugly. “Can’t sleep without me next to you anymore once you got a taste, huh?”

Jihoon’s eyes widened and he looked almost shocked for a very short moment, until he broke into laughter and couldn’t stop for almost a minute.

Junkyu pouted. “Okay, well now you’re just being rude.”

Jihoon gasped for air and held his stomach as though he was in pain from laughing. “I’m sorry.” He finally got himself under control again but was still grinning at him with an amused glint in his eyes. “You should know this is what you get when you’re being ridiculous like that.”

It was an odd moment to remember what Jihoon had told him two nights ago. Maybe it was the hint at him being ridiculous. ‘There you go, that’s my first impression of you. Reserved, gentle, and so fucking beautiful.’ Junkyu suddenly couldn’t look Jihoon in the eyes anymore, so he let his gaze drift to the side and shrugged.

“Hey, you know I’m just joking, right?”

Surprised at the concern in his voice Junkyu looked back at him, eyes wide. “Of course I know, don’t be silly.” He bit his lip, hesitating. Then he decided to just get it off his mind. “Do you remember that I asked you what your first impression of me was?”

Jihoon blinked confusedly. “I kind of remember you asking, yeah…” He seemed to think hard for a moment. “I can’t really remember what I replied though. Did I reply at all? I think I fell asleep right after…”

Was Park Jihoon turning red? Junkyu couldn’t stop the delightful smile spreading across his face. How unusual. And adorable. “Ah well… nevermind then.”

Jihoon looked at him somewhat reluctantly. “I’m actually curious what your first impression of me was.” A teasing smile formed on his face. “If you remember with that holey memory of yours.”

“Hey, my memory is flawless!” Junkyu complained and pouted. “We first met on April 10 of 2016, and you walked into our practice room looking as excited as if you had just won the lottery. You were already really handsome back then, now that I think about it. But that’s not really my main impression of you from that moment… it’s more that… you looked so calm, and so sure of yourself. As if you were really comfortable in your own skin, knew what you were good at and what you still needed to work on, without denying any of it, good or bad. You were… captivating. Like a magnet.” He nodded a few times to himself, satisfied that he caught the essence of Jihoon at that moment in time many years back. He smiled as he looked up into Jihoon’s eyes again. “Yeah, that’s my first impression of you.” He was taken aback by the intense emotions he was met with, raging in Jihoon’s eyes. There were too many mixed emotions for him to catch all at once, but he thought he saw pain and distress amongst other emotions. “Why, what did I do? Did I upset you?” 

Suddenly Jihoon put his hands on his chest and shoved him lightly so Junkyu, caught off guard, staggered a bit and reflexively held onto Jihoon’s wrists to steady himself. “What-”

“You always do these things!” Jihoon shoved him again, an unfamiliar kind of frustration lining his face. “You say stuff like this out of the blue” - another shove - “and look at me with that smile” - he was now showing him at his shoulders - “I mean has anyone ever seen someone act cute like that-” Junkyu’s grip around his wrists tightened to keep his balance as Jihoon shoved him more forcefully. “Yah, what-”

“And then you stare at me with those big, clueless, innocent eyes!” Another shove. “How can anyone be this ignorant of the effect he has on others?” Junkyu felt his hands at his neck now and prepared himself for another shove, just about to tell Jihoon to cut the crap and stop shoving him around, when he suddenly stumbled forward as Jihoon pulled him towards himself. The next thing he knew was Jihoon’s mouth crashed against his and Junkyu felt as though all air was suddenly pressed from his lungs. His stomach jumped, just like it did when he rode that Gyro drop tower at Lotte World, but in a slightly different way. Because that had been terrifying, and yes maybe this was terrifying as well but also very different. Because back then he had dropped from a height of 80 meters and now he wasn’t moving at all.

When Jihoon pushed him slightly back and pulled away again at the same time, it felt just as sudden as when their lips had met and Junkyu who finally let go of his wrists stumbled a bit when he tried to find his balance again. “Uhm…” How did this whole forming words and speaking thing work again? He couldn’t seem to find a single coherent thought, so he just stared at Jihoon with wide eyes, who stared back at him much the same way, but with an open panic in his eyes. “What… why-”

“Shit, sorry!” Jihoon raised a hand to his hair and tugged on it, and Junkyu couldn’t help his eyes flickering to his mouth when he sucked in his lower lip in an agonized sort of way. Jihoon quickly ran both hands through his hair, then dropped them helplessly to his sides, his hair immediately falling back to frame the corners of his eyes. It was an odd moment to notice how long his hair had grown again, and odder even to notice how silky it looked with the light reflecting on it. Junkyu felt the sudden need to reach out and touch it but he was still frozen and couldn’t move, so he just kept staring.

“That was stupid, I’m so stupid.” His voice had Junkyu’s eyes snap back to Jihoon’s, who had dropped his gaze and had his arms wrapped around himself, looking oddly lost. Before Junkyu could say anything - not that he could have with his mind being a tangled mess - Jihoon turned on the spot and left the room, the door falling closed behind him with a surprisingly quiet “click” that still felt oddly loud in the room that was now empty except for himself.

Junkyu stared at the closed door for a while, then shook his head wildly in an attempt to clear it of the fog that seemed to have clouded his thoughts. Eyes closed he let himself sink to the floor, legs crossed and breath shallow but surprisingly steady. What… had just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love reading your comments!! They motivate me so much, honestly. Thanks for every single comment ♡ I hope you enjoy reading this story!


	4. Lesson 4 - Avoid the water when you’re feeling unwell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4, in which you will witness the use of a popular fanfic prompt :p (it's cute so sue me)

When Junkyu could finally get a clearer grip on his thoughts again, his eyes snapped open as the picture of Jihoon’s lips in his mind sent a shiver through him. He had never thought about their pinkish color and how they always looked so soft. Or how his lower lip always looked just a bit swollen after he had been chewing on it thoughtfully for a while. Junkyu quickly dropped his hand when he realized that his fingers had been touching his own lips for a while now. How had they even gotten there? He gave his head another forceful shake and then buried his face in his hands. Great, so he was thinking of Jihoon’s lips now and how soft they felt. Or how he faintly had felt his pulse when he had been holding onto his wrists at the same moment. Had he just imagined that his pulse had seemed too quick? 

He felt another shiver run through him and a frustrated groan escaped his lips. Why, why, why… he let himself drop back onto the floor, head hitting the wooden tiles a bit too hard, but he barely noticed. He stared up at the white ceiling of the room and tried to make sense of it. 

He didn’t even know where to start. Why had Jihoon pulled him in for a kiss? Because that was definitely what he had done, right? There was no way it had been unintended, or was there? And how did he, Junkyu feel about it? What did it mean to him? How would they be dealing with it? He rolled over to his side and fumbled his phone out of his pocket. He dialed and held it to his ear, relieved when he didn’t have to wait long to hear a voice on the other end. “Yedamie, save me…”

Just about two minutes later he had joined Yedam in his vocal practice room. He had been in there with Doyoung who had left with a questioning look when Junkyu told him he wanted to talk with Yedam alone. Junkyu was thankful that he didn’t ask any questions or complain that he had disturbed them, but he knew that it was mainly his hyung privilege working in his favor.

Only two minutes ago he had wanted to tell Yedam everything without leaving out any detail, but now that he was sitting here in different surroundings, he suddenly felt hesitant. He sat quietly for a minute, eyes wandering aimlessly over the wall, trying to sort his thoughts. After a while, he felt Yedam’s hand on the back of his hands that had unconsciously been playing with the hem of his T-shirt, again. Apparently he had developed a new habit. He looked at Yedam who looked back at him curiously. “So… what do I save you from?” A small smile formed on his lips.

Junkyu frowned and let his eyes wander down to their hands. “I… that…” He cleared his throat. “Good question.”

Yedam remained silent, waiting for him to continue. Junkyu started playing with the fingers of Yedam's hand to calm the storm of emotions and his oddly racing heartbeat. It seemed to work, if only a little. He looked up at Yedam again. “Remember what we talked about yesterday?”

Yedam nodded. “We talked about Jihoon hyung.”

Junkyu nodded slowly. How ever was he going to talk about this, to anyone at all, even if it was Yedam? He sighed with frustration and let his forehead sink against Yedam’s shoulder. “My head is such a mess.”

If Yedam was puzzled about his words that didn’t make much sense at all, it didn’t show. As if everything was totally normal, he lifted his hand and stroked gently through Junkyu’s hair. “Did something happen, hyung?”

“Just now, he… something happened. He did… something… ah shit, I just can’t talk about it. I guess I’m just... confused.” Another moment of silence. Junkyu noticed that his fingers had found their way to his lips again and he quickly dropped them, irritated at how little control he seemed to have over his actions right now. Yedam was silent for a moment, until he probed further. “What are you confused about?”

“About… Jihoon.” He tried to find the right words to explain further, but too much of his concentration was spent on trying not to think about Jihoon’s lips on his again.

“About something he did?”

Junkyu shook his head lightly. “Well yeah, about that too, but also about what it’s making me feel. I feel confused about being confused.” He sighed exasperatedly. “And that just makes no fucking sense!”

Yedam hummed thoughtfully, his hand still stroking his head comfortingly. “So Jihoon did something that made you feel confused about him.” Junkyu nodded slowly. “Do you think it changed the way you look at him?”

Junkyu couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him, and it wasn’t a happy laugh. The way he looked at Jihoon had definitely changed, literally. “In a way, yes.” He tried to think about Yedam’s question in a less literal way. “But… I’m not really sure if it changed the way I, well… feel about him.” It felt more than awkward to say it this way, but he’d had his fair share of awkwardness the last few days and it seemed that he had reached a new limit.

“Oh.” Yedam was quiet for a moment. “How do you feel about him?”

Junkyu lifted his head and straightened up a bit, but avoided Yedam’s eyes still. “If I could figure that out exactly, I wouldn’t be confused, would I?”

Yedam smiled. “You have a point. Maybe it would help to try and compare your feelings for Jihoon hyung to your feelings for other people?” 

Junkyu looked at him reluctantly. “I’m listening.”

Yedam tipped his chin thoughtfully. “I mean… you two are pretty close. You’ve been friends for four years now, and you’ve been through a lot together.”

Junkyu nodded. “The same goes for you too, though. And we’ve been friends for even longer.”

“True. Then, do you feel the same way about him that you feel about me?” 

“No… it’s different.” The thought of comparing his relationship with Yedam with his relationship with Jihoon seemed almost laughable to him, which only served to confuse him even more. Junkyu leaned back in his chair and let his eyes wander up the wall thoughtfully. “But nobody feels the same way about two people, do they?”

“That’s probably true. The question is, how are your feelings for him different from your feelings for me?”

Junkyu rubbed his forehead, somehow agitated. “That’s the problem, I can’t really figure out how... exactly... they are different.” He sighed in frustration. 

“Okay, let’s see.... Can you figure out how your feelings for Hyunsuk hyung and me are different?” 

“Well that’s easy. Hyunsukie hyung is… well, Hyunsukie hyung. He’s like a spirit animal, he always shows up and grounds me when I get lost. It’s funny how the word leader describes pretty exactly what he is to me. And Yedamie is… my dear friend.” He smiled softly. “Whom I can talk to about everything. Like now.” He bumped Yedam’s knee with his own. 

Yedam bumped back and nodded. “So with Jihoon it’s more complicated.” 

The smile disappeared from his face, he nodded defeatedly. “Yeah. Complicated.” 

They sat in silence for a while. Junkyu couldn’t shake the feeling that Yedam really wanted to say more, but held back to give him time to think and figure his feelings out on his own. “If I could only find the exact point in time when it became... complicated. Maybe that would make it all clearer.” 

Yedam looked at him in contemplation. “That means it hasn’t been complicated from the start then.”

Junkyu thought back again to how he had first met Jihoon, how they had grown close. He really wouldn’t call that complicated. “No, it was very easy from the beginning, not complicated at all. It’s almost strange how easy it was to become friends with Jihoonie, considering… well. You know.” 

Yedam nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I know. Introvert Junkyu and all.” 

Junkyu returned a lopsided smile. “Exactly. Anyway, I’ve even been wondering… ah, it’s stupid.” He suddenly felt annoyed with himself. It really shouldn’t be so difficult to figure this out, why couldn’t he make sense of any of it? 

Yedam lightly put an arm around his shoulders. “It’s not stupid. We all have a lot going on right now, especially considering what we’ve been through over the last two years, or much longer for some of us.” He shot him a meaningful smile at that. After all, both of them had been training at YG for longer than most of Treasure’s members. “Trying to mend a friendship in the middle of all that is no easy task. In fact I don’t think many people would even pay it a second thought and probably just give up. It’s admirable that you’re willing to put so much energy into it.”

“It’s all for selfish reasons though.”

Yedam raised an eyebrow at him. “How so?”

“I don’t want to let him go, so I’m clinging on to him.” Junkyu shrugged and avoided Yedam’s searching gaze. He had been wondering if Jihoon would simply slip away if he didn’t insist on holding onto him, and the thought had been eating away at him slowly.

“I don’t know, hyung. The way I see it, Jihoon hyung is nowhere near letting go of you either.”

Junkyu snorted. “He’s doing all he can to not be in the same room with me. I mean he can’t really help it when we’re all together, rehearsing or recording, or filming, or whatever…” He saw Yedam shake his head decisively at his words, so he stopped and bit his lip. The more he talked, the harder it was to keep his expression in check. 

“Jihoon really isn’t acting like someone who ‘can’t help’ being in the same room with you.” Yedam seemed to hesitate for a moment before he continued. “Anyone who looks at him would be able to tell how much you matter to him.” He hesitated again, then chuckled. “Maybe we should play hidden camera on him to show you the recording later, I’m pretty sure you would be able to tell as well. It’s just that from your point of view, you might be seeing a slightly different picture.”

Junkyu frowned at that. “A different picture?” Yedam nodded and Junkyu rolled his eyes, heaving a sigh. “You’re talking in riddles, man. I have no idea what you’re trying to get at.” 

Yedam laughed, but he didn’t seem amused, if anything he sounded almost regretful. “I know. I’m sorry, hyung. I can’t solve this problem for you.”

Junkyu felt his heart sink, and it made him realize just how much trust he had in Yedam and his ability to track emotions back to people’s motives and figure them out where others were at a loss. Even if Yedam had figured out more than Junkyu had, apparently he wasn’t going to tell him.

“The point is, you have to figure out yourself how you feel, and what that means for your friendship with Jihoon hyung. Nobody else can do that for you.” Yedam leaned his head on Junkyu’s shoulder. “Feelings kind of suck sometimes.”

Junkyu took a deep breath and nodded. “You tell me.”

Junkyu had expected that Jihoon would avoid him even more after what had happened, and that even if he tried to confront him about it, he wouldn’t get a chance to do so. Not that he had really considered confronting him. But when they met again the next morning at the breakfast table, Junkyu realized that he couldn’t quite look Jihoon in the eye, even less talk to him in any way that resembled normal. 

So he ended up being the one avoiding Jihoon. It turned out to be quite a challenge not to be caught with Jihoon suddenly being the one standing next to him, or sitting next to him in the van, or running into him in the bathroom at the training center. The most difficult was when they filmed their vocal subunit cover of WAYO, because they were all so excited to be at a set that came closest to what resembled the set of a music video despite its simplicity, and the only thing that saved him was the fact that most of their scenes were filmed separately from each other. 

He had no idea how he was supposed to get into the right mindset to speak to him again at this rate. Maybe he just needed some more time.

Junkyu grew unusually quiet in general. He didn’t really notice it himself until he realized how the other members sometimes shot him curious glances, probably in moments where he would usually react loudly or joke around. Nobody confronted him about it, and he was glad for it because he knew that he had no good answer ready. Sure, he could just write it off as nerves because of Yedam’s upcoming solo release and their preparations for their debut and everything else they were working on. But he knew that they’d be able to tell that he wasn’t telling the full truth. After all, he wore his heart on his sleeve, as Yedam had so fittingly told him.

Two weeks had passed since Jihoon had kissed him. The thought still baffled him, as if it had been nothing but a product of his imagination. But his memory of the moment was too real, and after all it really was nothing he would imagine to happen in the first place.

When Junkyu opened his eyes that morning, he immediately wished he hadn’t woken up at all. He felt horrible. His head was pounding painfully and his stomach felt weak. He closed his eyes again and groaned. Maybe he should just stay in bed today. He didn’t manage to fall asleep again, but at least when he kept his eyes closed and lay very still, his head hurt a little less.

After a while he heard a knock on his door and he grunted weakly in response. The door opened and Hyunsuk stuck his head inside. “Junkyu-yah, we’re almost ready to get going.” He was silent for a moment. Junkyu cracked his eyes open and grimaced at the painful throbbing behind his temples, but he turned his head towards the door nevertheless to see a somewhat baffled, then concerned looking Hyunsuk standing in his open door. Hyunsuk quickly closed the door behind him very quietly and walked over to his bed, sitting down on the edge and feeling Junkyu’s forehead with the back of his hand. “You don’t look too good.”

Junkyu closed his eyes again. “I feel like shit.”

Hyunsuk hummed. “At least you don’t have a fever.” He seemed to consider for a moment. “You should stay home today, get some rest. I’ll report you sick. Do you think you’ll be okay at home on your own? We could order you some food.”

Junkyu grimaced at the thought of eating anything. “No, no food. I don’t think I can eat anything.”

“You’ll have to eat something eventually though, you’ll be stuck here alone for at least twelve hours. Probably longer.”

Junkyu opened his eyes again and tried to give Hyunsuk a reassuring smile. “I can just have some toast or whatever we have at home. Or ramyun. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Hyunsuk smiled back but his eyes still looked at him with concern. “Okay, if you’re sure…”

“If you could maybe get me some water and painkillers before you leave…”

Hyunsuk got up immediately and came back a minute later with two fresh bottles of water, painkillers and a couple of other medicines “just in case”.

Junkyu could tell that he was worried about leaving him alone, because he had to almost throw him out of his room, if one could call it that while he was still lying on his bed and could use only words to urge their leader to get going or else the others would be late because of him.

That comment didn’t sit well with Hyunsuk, so with a last worried glance back at Junkyu, he finally left his room. Shortly later, he heard the voices behind his door die down until it was completely silent. Junkyu forced himself into a more upright position so he could take two painkillers and drink them down with water, hoping they would help him get rid of the horrible headache. He got up after half an hour to eat half a toast - as he couldn’t really bring himself to eat more than that - then brush his teeth to feel at least a bit more human, and finally hauled himself back to his room and into his bed.

He managed to fall asleep again after his headache had subsided a bit, and spent most of the day sleeping or dozing. Whenever he woke up in between, he had a fleeting memory of odd dream sceneries, that all felt as though his subconscious was trying to tell him something, but whenever he tried to remember more clearly, the memories faded and he was left with nothing more than a faintly familiar scent, until that too disappeared and he dozed off again shortly after.

He had lost track of time, and could just guess that it was past dinner time when he woke up to the sensation of someone bending over him. Junkyu opened his eyes slowly, relieved to find that his headache had almost disappeared. The light in his room was dim, and he blinked a few times trying to shake off the drowsiness. “Jihoonie..?” His voice sounded oddly weak to his ears and he cleared his throat. “You’re back already?” He felt Jihoon’s hand on his forehead, then followed the movement of his hand as he touched his own forehead for comparison. Then Jihoon smiled somewhat relieved.

“Yeah, we’re done for today. How are you feeling?”

Junkyu stretched a bit and found that the many hours of rest had helped, as he was feeling a lot better than he had when he had first woken up in the morning. “Better.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. It struck him that this was the first time in days that they were talking, the first time he looked into his eyes. It made him feel oddly self conscious. Jihoon looked so concerned.

“Did you eat anything at all?”

He avoided Jihoon’s gaze. “Uh... yeah I ate some... bread.” He thought he could almost feel the disapproval in Jihoon’s eyes.

“Just as I thought.” He felt Jihoon’s weight shift on the edge of his mattress and turned his head to see what he was doing. He had turned to the side to take something from his bedside table, and when he turned back to face him he held a bowl and a spoon in his hands. From his angle Junkyu couldn’t see what was in the bowl.

“You need to eat something, Junkyu.”

Junkyu eyed the bowl suspiciously. “What’s in there?”

Jihoon looked at him tentatively. “Congee.”

Junkyu grimaced. “Oh. Um. I’m not really hungry right now. Just leave it here, I’ll eat it later.”

Jihoon raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t eaten anything the whole day, you have to eat.”

He looked almost upset, but maybe that was because Junkyu involuntarily shied away from him when he leaned closer towards him. “Don’t be stupid and just eat!”

“But I’m not hungry, leave me be!” Junkyu tried to cover his head with his blanket but Jihoon grabbed the corner of his blanket so that he couldn’t pull it up any further.

He heard him mumble something under his breath that he couldn’t quite catch but he thought he could make out the words “baby” and “annoying”. He yelped when he suddenly felt a pair of hands grab him around the waist and drag him closer to Jihoon, turning him from his side onto his back in the process. “Yah, what are you doing!”

“I’m making sure you’re feeling better tomorrow you idiot, now stop whining and behave!” Wow, well if that tone didn’t shut him up. Junkyu glowered first at him, then at the spoon he was holding right in front of his mouth. How was he supposed to eat while lying down? Jihoon rolled his eyes as if he had read his thoughts and put the spoon down, but before he could grab him again to yank him up, Junkyu held up his hands appeasingly. “Okay, okay, I’m sitting up! Jesus…” He shifted around until he was in a half seated position, back resting against a couple of cushions that Jihoon had been piling up behind him while he was moving so that he would be sitting comfortably. 

“Now, ah~” There was that spoon in his face again. Junkyu rolled his eyes but obliged and opened his mouth for Jihoon to spoon feed him. He’d never been a big fan of congee but he found that it actually tasted pretty good. He wondered what Jihoon hat put in it. He felt a bit silly at first, being spoon fed as if he was unable to eat by himself, but after a bit he had to admit to himself that it felt kind of nice.

“Ah, it’s too hot!” He pouted at the fifth spoon or so, which earned him a laugh from Jihoon.

“Aigoo, poor baby.” Jihoon’s voice was teasing, but the hand that ran through his messy hair was gentle. The thought crossed his mind that he should probably pull away from him again, but he couldn’t find the will to actually do so, so instead he just closed his eyes and leaned a bit into the touch. It felt nice. 

Maybe it was because he didn’t stop him or complain about it, but for some reason Jihoon continued to stroke his head for a while, and ended up caressing the back of his neck, in a familiar gesture that Junkyu hadn’t realized he had been missing. He couldn’t stop a content sigh from escaping his lips. 

“You’re really moody today,” observed Jihoon softly. “Two minutes ago you were nagging me to leave you alone and miserable.”

Junkyu cracked his eyes open to glance up at him. Did he just imagine it or was there a hint of hurt in Jihoon’s eyes? “I’m sorry.” 

Jihoon smiled and patted his head one last time before he drew his hand back. “It’s okay, you’re sick after all.”

But that wasn’t really the reason… Junkyu kept his eyes fixed on Jihoon who had taken up the spoon again. He tried not to stare at his lips as he carefully blew on the spoon for a few moments before maneuvering it in front of Junkyu’s mouth again. “Better now?”

He ended up eating all of the congee Jihoon had brought him, and even drinking some of the disgusting tea that had been cooling down on his bedside table. It was almost funny how happy Jihoon seemed to be about that. He pulled the blanket closer around him after he’d laid down again, then he got up from the edge of his bed and reached for the empty bowl on his night stand.

“Are you leaving?”

Jihoon stopped in his tracks and faced him questioningly. “Unless you want me to stay…?”

_ Don’t make me say it, please don’t make me say it… _

Jihoon didn’t move and kept studying his face, waiting. Junkyu scratched his forehead awkwardly and then nodded, feeling a suspicious heat creep onto his cheeks. 

Jihoon put the bowl down again on his night stand and motioned with his hands for him to scoot over to the other side of his bed, and he didn’t have to tell him twice. Seconds later Junkyu was snuggled up closely against Jihoon’s left side, head resting on his shoulder and face buried in the crook of his neck. He took a deep, content breath and felt a smile spread over his face. Jihoon smelled really good. Some combination of his faintly peach scented shampoo and something that was distinctively Jihoon. He reached for Jihoon’s right arm and wrapped it around himself, then let his hand rest on his stomach. He sighed happily. “Jihoon-ah.”

There were a few seconds of silence until the other replied with a quiet hum.

“Thank you.” He received a gentle squeeze in response and before long had drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed fluffiness, so I found a reason to write it. I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Stay tuned, the next chapter will be in Jihoon's perspective~


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